Obama's Dickplomacy

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    Toothpick

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    Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Toothpick on Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:26 pm

    Barack Obama gently massaged John McCain’s trembling testicles as he sucked fiercely on a Kool, his merry eyes dancing with illicit joy.
    “John, I’m glad you joined this subcommittee so I can show you my stimulus package first hand.”

    McCain’s liver spotted Johnson twitched with unnatural vigor as the fifteen Viagra he’s taken began to take effect. It leapt to trembling glory as Obama slipped one artful finger into his virgin anus, twisting it back and forth like a limber earthworm with epilepsy.

    “You filthy, filthy liberal…oooooohhhh……invading my fertile crescent with your inexperienced track record….yeah……”

    Eyes flashing with lustful passion, Barack spat out his Kool and rammed his tongue into the octogenarian’s armpit, toying with his snowhite hair as he tasted the heady mixture of Old Spice and mansweat.

    John, in these desperate times, it is only by bipartisan union, common rallying in the face of our HARD times that we can reach-around to a more perfect union. Now, let me show you what put the “package” in stimulus package!!!!!”

    His crisp Armani pants opened with a low hiss as he disgorged his acre of uncut dick, a Presidential Chief-of-Staffs unlike any other. Hot, semitransparent pre-cum clotted the tip as he ground it gently between the ex-POW’s snowwhite tits, pausing to bop his adorable, linty belly button with his enraged python.

    “Only through the mutual THRUST-!” He piledrived his jackhammer of iron-clad fury between the floppy buttcheeks, deep into the twitching, slightly poo-damp colon as the elder statesman roared in pleasure, his words coming out in loquacious bursts as he pumped the old man like a dried up Texas oil well “-can we CONSUMMATE a new state of affairs more beneficial to OUR-MUTUAL-INTEREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTS!!!!!!!!!!”

    Semen exploded onto the walls of the Oval Office as Barack Obama roared in orgasm, the spastic face of Senator McCain contorted like a pig in a room full of angry anti-pig bigots holding pig-guns.
    As McCain put his suit on and tried in vain to wipe the gallons of sperm from his wrinkled, exhausted visage, the President lounged in his chair, a formidable cigar burning between his lips almost as brightly as his eyes had burned for John.
    “Mr President….whatever our differences on the floor-“

    A single wave of Obama’s still assjuice flavored finger stilled the words on his lips.
    “We’ll always have the Oval Office, John. Let’s not ruin it with politics.”
    Nodding, McCain left the room, the seat of his pants rapidly staining as a torrent of feisty semen seeped out of his butthole.

    Obama took a deep breath, put out his cigar, and activated his intercom.
    “Send in Mister Rove, and a bucket of anal lube please.”
    Just another day as President.

    Like an animate hard boiled egg, Karl Rove’s bald pate glistened under the dim light as he strolled into the Oval Office, his fumbling hands betraying his nervousness.
    “I can’t let this socialist motherfuck know about the butterflies that roil in my stomach at the very mention of his name, the secret dreams that haunt my sleep…those warm eyes that peer right into my soul at the press conferences…oh Jesus! It’s him!”
    The handful of technical documents gripped in his sweaty mitts dropped like autumn leaves to the floor. The President lounged across his rich mahogany desk, his suit open to reveal his washboard stomach, his fly halfway down over his dormant volcano of social democrat determination.

    “You…I…ah….uhhhhh” The report suddenly seemed like a memory of a dream in childhood, unimportant next to the sweat that drenched Rove’s armips and the raging semi that tented his crotch.

    “Shhhhh” Like the soft hiss of a breeze through a field of Illinois wheat. “Let your President guide you to the….” His coffee-colored hands ripped open his zipper like a fact checker through the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth. “Promised Land!”
    In what felt like no time at all, Rove found himself naked at the President’s feet, cupping one engorged ball in each hand as he stared at the throbbing purple knob of ultimate authority.
    “Has the UN security council been informed about THIS Weapon of Massive Erection…er…this tool of progress yet?”
    Obama grinned slyly as he guided the twitching member between Rove’s fragile lips. The look of fearful lust intensified as the monstrous cock slipped past his tonsils and came to a rest in his lower esophagus.

    “I have Kofi Anan scheduled to take a look within the week, Mr. Rove. You know I like a good timetable almost as much as I love a good DICKSUCKING!”

    Like a thousand irate Venetians at a “Look at me, I’m holding up the Leaning Tower, I’m so original!!!!!” convention across the street from a museum of flamethrowers and methamphetamine, the massive column of engorged flesh violated Rove’s face, his cheeks flopping as he gagged frenziedly, the dull thud of the heavy Obamaballs rapping against his meager chin beating out a staccato rhythm as the portraits of past presidents stared mutely.
    “YES! WE! CAN! YES! WE CAN! YYYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSS…..WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..CAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    It took him a few minutes, but Rove came around as the President dipped his precocious penis into a bucket of transparent lube, a warm cord dangling from the ends as he positioned himself between the now trussed up with ties Bush adviser’s chunky legs.
    “Now, Rove, you shall see the face of God!”

    And he did.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    As the sun slipped past the last wisps of soft pink clouds drifting high over Washington D. C., Chief Justice Roberts of the SCOTUS delicately fingered the twitching brown rectal hole of the Commander-in-Chief.

    Because it's Obama's Dickplomacy 2: Red, White, and Blue Balls!

    "Obama, your expansion of government's role in the market is so....so socialist!" The word felt dirty and wrong in Robert's mouth, like "fuck" or "genorosity", but he felt his libido spike as it echoed throughout his private office.

    The Boss Nigger's pert ears twitched as that megawatt smile split his gently creaased face in two. John was different, somwhow. His visits always started slow, but they ended spectacularly. Obama idly wondered if he's need a new suit after this was over, like last time.

    He rubbed his muscular length across the judge's softness, glorying in the gently chemical smell of his ten thousand dollar suit and the buttery richness of his Brylcreem-laced hair. "I want your confidence in my defense of the Constitution, you hunk of wild conservative meat!" he hissed into the delicate bones of his ear, sending shivers down Robert's ample frame.

    Roberts reached back, pushing aside the tails of Obama's suit to squeeze his twin Thunderbuns. He cupped them like he'd cupped the heads of his infant grandchildren at the reunion last week, and for a moment the faces of his family flashed across his mind.

    He pushed that out of his mind as he felt the stirring rod of Lincoln Steel rearing against his buttockss like an epileptic at a discotheque. As his pants gently thudded to the ground, he cleare his mind and felt his anus relaxing into an inviting "O". An O for the Obama, he thought, and chuckled.

    Obama slapped the vast, pallid cheeks spread out before him, watching them jiggle and butt like walrus babies at play. Moving across the cluttered office, he opened an inconspicuous tome on an upper shelf, revealing a hollowed out book. He removed a Giant-XXXXL DurasexaPenetrato-to-tha-MaXX ribbed and Lubrimacated Penis Sheather Mach VII.

    Like King Arthur returning Excalibur to its rocky altar, Obama slipped his King-Size Tootsie roll into is wrapper and approached the bulging buttocks of the Avatar of American Justice, his eyes burning with rampant lust.
    To BE CONTINUED!
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    Trevlac
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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Trevlac on Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:30 pm

    I guess I don't get it. I'm sure the point was to be shocking or that you disapprove of hitherto mentioned politicians but I don't see what interest the story would hold beyond comedy.

    Though my sense of humor is more random or dry so I don't usually get into stuff like this here.


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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Toothpick on Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:31 pm

    It's more of an exercise in absurdity.
    It's very fun to write, but I can't see most people liking it.

    Thanks for the input.
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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Trevlac on Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:36 pm

    No problem. By the way you know I meant no offense. It would be the kind of thing that appeals to a niche audience. I could see how it would.


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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Ordin on Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:25 am

    i fucking love these. they make me laugh like a retard.


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    Toothpick

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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Toothpick on Wed Mar 25, 2009 10:00 pm

    Trevlac wrote:No problem. By the way you know I meant no offense. It would be the kind of thing that appeals to a niche audience. I could see how it would.
    Oh yeah. I agree. No offense taken.
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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

    Post by Toothpick on Thu May 28, 2009 12:34 am

    Supreme court nominee Sotomayor rubbed her monstrous Latin nipples as hot womanfluid went down her aging cunt in a waterfall. Across the room, The President's slab of beef wedged into her college's lush man-patties, forming a hamburger of lust that made her insides ache with wanting. Oh, to have that dripping pylon exploding within her squirming insides!
    "Robert's, I think our deliberations are of interest to my nominee. Perhaps we should get her IN-" he slammed his cock all the way into Robert's asshole, the great Presidential desk groaning almost as loudly as he did, teeth buried in his hand as he stifled the screams that longed to escape his throat."-PUT on this matter of National Sexcurity!"
    "Oh...thank you, sir..." breathed Sotomayor, ripping her robes open to reveal her sturdy Latina body. She crossed the room as Obama unleashed his ballgoo in a dense stream on Roberts back as the Chief Justice sprayed the desk with his watery spermwater before collapsing with a whimper.
    The President's eyes glittered with savage glee as Sotomayor knelt before him, stroking his drooping but still formidable member with trembling hands. When she ventured a finger into his foreskin, his cock leapt to attention in seconds, veins popping and twitching like baby snakes in a sock.
    "I belive the time has come for we, as Americans, to get on our knees and thank Providence for the BOUNTY WE REICIEVE!!!!!!!!!"
    Obama rammed his presidential penis into her mouth with surgical precision, sliding his massive glans past her tonsils and into her muscular and well textured esophagus. She squeezed his bouyant balls as he bucked frenziedly, shoving her face into his lap.
    "This historic launch will carry the best part of us into the halls of justice, where it will oh fuck it SUCK IT SUCK MY BLACK COCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

    As Obama orgasmed powerfully into Sotomayor's mouth, he glanced down at the ground on a whim and screamed in horror.
    In the remains of her torn robes was a bottle of honey and several fresh salmon.

    SHE WAS A BEAR!

    She saw his knowledge in his face as he leapt across the room. Her skin exploded as she emerged, 9 feet of snarling brown fur. She decapatated roberts with one casual strike and narrowly missed Obama as he dived for cover. His desk was rent in two by the force of the blow, but she lost her balance. He sprinted across the room, hurling a snowglobe as he went. It bought him enough time to get to the exit, but only barely. The door collapsed behind him as he sprinted naked down the hallway. His security detail were caught off guard. The ran in and were swiftly smashed to pulp by the bear's monstrous swipes. Their bullets didn't even slow it down.
    Obama grabbed a fallen guards gun and dodged a flying bear-tackle, pumping three rounds into its chest. No luck. It came on strong again, albiet slower, He rolled through a doorway into the Lincoln bedroom. No other exits!
    The bear loomed before him, bleeding but triumphant. As it raised its monstrous paw, Obama knew that he needed to say something beautiful in these, his last moments on earth.
    "I had Reeses for breakfast!"
    "Wait, you had candy for BREAKFAST?"
    "No Reeses Puffs Cereal!"
    (sliiiiiiiides me a bowl)
    "I take a bite, and my mouth explodes in peanut butter and chocolately taste!"
    "ITS REESES FOR BREAKFAST!"

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    Re: Obama's Dickplomacy

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